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Blocked and Blogged Up

I've been playing with the design of this blog.  I'm not quite sure why--I think it started when I added my book covers to the sidebar.  Suddenly, the layout didn't look right to me, launching me on a template hunt and customization exploration.  When I left this blog last night, the template was primarily black, which I didn't like this morning.  My art blog is black.  Too much black.  Not enough bright.  I need bright colors.  I don't have to worry about that as much on my art blog because the paintings are colorful enough.  And while I've got lots of photos on this blog, it's not dedicated to photos, necessarily.  At the moment, it looks a little busy with all the pictures in the posts plus the sidebar images, but it won't always look like that.  I am not sure why any of this concerns me.  Perhaps I am just wasting time, trying to get back into writing mode, which has been eluding me. 

This month marks one of the worst cases of writers' block I've ever experienced.  I don't usually get writers' block, and it could be that because I am writing this entry and because I've been able to compose at least two short poems, I am not truly experiencing dammed-up thinking but instead overreacting to the spongy feeling I've got in my brain.  My head doesn't feel right this month, even though I got my new book out.  I've had a couple of ideas for blog entries and longer poems but can't motivate myself to clarify my thoughts. In fact, I've had a difficult time motivating myself to do anything.  I still do what's necessary, of course, but it's like I am dragging an anchor around as I do it.  And I am bored.  Horribly bored.  Almost debilitatingly bored.  It's not that I am particularly unhappy.  I'm not depressed, per se. I'm just a bit paralyzed, I guess.

This is not the usual kind of writing I put here.  Tenacious Poodle is my more confessional blog (among other things).  But maybe I've needed a blog change of scenery.  Maybe a change of scenery in general would do me some good. 

The Year Disappears

How on Earth is it the end of April 2010 already??

These pics were taken in February.

The months go by in a blur.

Who is the real blogging you?

So continues the discussion of who the blogger is. If you really care to read my previous thoughts on this subject, go to the right of this page, scroll down and click on the label that says "blogging." Most likely, you will have to search the 2006-2008 archives, which I have no ambition to do, so I assume neither will anyone else.

I maintain that a blog shows only a portion of a person and often, not even the real person. Bloggers are often just writers expressing thoughts, moods, philosophy and anything else that interests them at the time. But the blogger is not the person--s/he is the blogger.

What's interesting is that bloggers who post under a different name are rarely confused with the actual person behind the postings. It's only we bloggers who use our own names that become associated with our blogs and not our true, full personhood.

As a writer, I find this discouraging. It's like the reader who always confuses the narrator with the story or poem author. While there is truth in fiction, poetry and blogging, there is only part of the complex thing we call personality, as someone put it, a "caricature."

Especially as bloggers, it's what we do outside of our blogs that is important.

Blogs are exercises in free speech and expression. They have turned the Internet into a wide world of the written word and by themselves, do not have the ability to expose any full truth about an issue, the author or the commentators. Even the most vile blogs do not reveal an absolute truth about anyone.

When bloggers come out of the blogosphere and even out of the worlds of email and creative writing, their truer personality and beliefs emerge. How do bloggers act in the real world? What do they publicly and privately endorse? How do they treat one another? What do they do with their free time? What do they stand for and why? These are the questions readers should always ask themselves.

To confuse the blogger with the real person is a logical fallacy. For example, when bloggers rant and rave, rage against the machine, fictionalize their lives and the lives of others, readers are getting no better picture of the author than if the author were writing creative nonfiction, fiction, drama or poetry.

The real question is, how would the author address an issue or a person in real life? How would the blogger approach situations discussed in blogs? What tone of voice would they use? What language would they use? Do they use different language when they are angry compared to when they are calm? Do they communicate their ideas differently? Are they as emotional or hasty or mean spirited or spiritual or loving or anything else that they are on their blogs? There is not way of telling without knowing the blogger him/herself.

We all have various manifestations of our personalities. Bloggers are no different. Professional writers and/or creative writers have even a bigger burden because they translate reality into their personal artistic expressions. Most blog readers and many readers in general do not see the person behind the writing.

So who are we, we bloggers?

If you really want to know, get to know one personally or at least examine his/her public life.

Otherwise, you probably are making invalid assumptions.

Attic Treasures

I was doing a story on a manor that is now used for events. Here are a couple of things I saw up there.


There really is nothing better than an old attic!

Wasn't Tagged, But Still.....

These are always so much FUN!




Courtesy of posting from Kate:

1. What were you doing five years ago? (That would be 2003, yes?)

• Trying to get settled in our new house (that was a story in and of itself).


• Trying to lose weight (did lose a lot, but it's back).


• Trying to get the kids settled into a new school.


• Hiking the Manassas Battlefields.


• Teaching online. (Wow! What a busy year, as usual!)

2.What are five things on your to-do list for today?

• Finish packing for vacation.


• Finish cleaning before vacation.


• Shut down this computer.


• Drive to the in-laws' for vacation.


• Attend nephew's graduation from high school. (Has it really been THAT long since he was just a kid???? WOW. Time flies!)

3. What are five snacks you enjoy?

• Oatmeal (with Splenda and spray butter).


• Cooked vegetables (with spray butter).


• Popcorn (with spray butter).


• Sugar free fudgicles (no spray butter).


• Melted cheese on crackers (no spray butter.)

4. What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

• Give a ton of money away to causes of my choice.


• Invest so I can keep giving it away.


• Pay off this house, my mother's mortgage and my in-laws' mortgage. (Does that count as three? Who cares.)


• Get cleaners on a regular basis.


• Travel (with the best motion sickness med on the market).

5. What are five of your bad habits?

• Eating.


• Saying not-so-nice expressions that I grew up with and find myself repeating even now.


• Worrying and having to talk myself out of worrying.


• Forgetting to tone down my voice when the kids have given me back-talk for the fourth time in a row.


• Aren't those enough?

6. What are five places you have lived?

• Manassas VA


• Vienna VA


• Colorado Springs CO


• Lowell, MA


• Billerica MA

7. What are five jobs you've had?

• Sandwich-making-food-services-customer-complaint-person


• Educational middle management


• Online and live college instructor


• Avon/Mary Kay lady


• House wife

8. Why do you love these me-mes? (I added this one.)

• They make you think of where you have been and where you are now.


• They are rather egocentric and self-indulgent.


• They are relaxing.


• They let the world know who you are and where you are coming from (assuming anyone reads them).


• They warn off people who might be scared of who you are and where you are coming from.

More Musings

Okay, so every time I come visit this part of my blog life, I look at the title and say, "Hmmmm. Bull Run Writings. There isn't much writing here. Photos, yes. Kids art, yes. Writing, not really." Most of my writing is on the Poetry and Polemics blog. Both blogs are part of my fun little network called "Luxurious Choices."

Someone asked me what that name meant. If you've ever been to the Luxurious Choices home page and clicked on "about us" then you know the name came from my previous attempt to sell things like Mary Kay and Avon...you know, luxuries. But it's really difficult to get businesses like that going, especially if you don't do it full time, aren't into sales, and forget to collect money. Besides that, I always wanted to give my friends my discounts because I felt bad not passing my savings on to them. So this obviously was not the business for me to be in.

I "chose" to get out of that biz and work more on my writing, which is a "luxury" all its own. But as I wrote and got out more into the community, it became more apparent that we have choices all around us and that the worst choice is to close our eyes to these. Democracy--that's a choice. Values--those are choices. How we want to spend our time--choices. What we want our lives to mean--choices. What legacies we want to leave--choices. But what if we ignore all these choices? What happens then?

Feeling trapped is one of the most debilitating conditions we can ever have put on us or impose on ourselves. When we feel trapped, we make poor decisions or no decisions. When we believe we are out of choices, we panic and do things we might never do, and they are usually not productive things if they are based solely in panic.

So having choices and recognizing them really is a luxury. Hence the name. http://www.luxuriouschoices.net/

Here's to the luxuries of life! May we appreciate and contemplate every choice we have.

"The strongest principal of growth lies in human choice."

-George Eliot

October's Splendor

In February, when the trees do not hold so much color, I like to go back and look at photos I took in the months before. It reminds me how the seasons change, how the cycle of life moves from one manifestation to another, and how there is so much we forget even in that brief time between one season and the next.

I took the courtyard picture from a room at church. I was waiting for my children to finish choir practice and I thought how beautiful the patios and porches are in Old Town Manassas. I opened the window and stuck my camera outside. Just another weirdo with a camera...that's me!

These photos were taken at Colonial Beach. The flower pot is actually in my in-laws' yard. They have the most gorgeous flowers blooming in various seasons.

Diving into Fall

I got this "meme" from Dive over at Small Glass Planet and thought it would make a brilliant backdrop for the pics we took today in the park. It is finally fall here! I would have romped with the dog had it not been for this sinus infection I am fighting (yes....yet another one). But thank you, Dive...I now know what a meme is. It's a thing that's "all about me." Bloggers seem to be fond of them, as do some friends on email, so here goes. (BTW, if you visit Dive, bewares. He's raunchier than I am, AND he's British, which makes him automatically more talented at raunch.)

Hi, my name is Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt

Never in my life have I eaten tripe, sheep's eyes or tongue.

Never in my life have I been to any place outside of North America. Nor have I ever been to a vampire club. I always thought that would be an interesting kind of place to visit.

When I am nervous I say stupid things, stumble over my words, or crawl inside my head like a snail ducking for cover. Of course, sometimes I say stupid things when I am NOT nervous. And I often lose my words as well.

The last song I listened to was the theme from Scooby Doo.

If I were to get married right now, it would be to my husband. But we are already married. So I'm good.

My hair needs a coloring and maybe even a perm.

When I was four, I was younger than I am now. I was also smarter.

Last Christmas was a long time ago.

I should be smarter somehow.

When I look down I see a coffee stain on my t-shirt.

The happiest recent event was walking with hubby and doggy in the park today.

If I were a character in Friends, I would look fat next to them.

By this time next year, I will be a world famous blogger with millions of adoring fans and blocked pop-up ads.

My current distress is my stomach hurts from the antibiotics.

I have a hard time understanding math. Limitations. Supposedly intelligent people who are racist.

I want to buy time.

I plan on visiting my in-laws next weekend.

If I could spend the night at any house, it would be those castles in Scooby Doo episodes.

The world could do without hatred and stupidity. Violence. Petty people.

The most recent thing I bought myself is a dress (off ebay) and some prescriptions (not off ebay).

The most recent thing that someone else bought for me was groceries.

My middle name is Mercurio. It used to be Mary, but I changed it when I got married. I took my maiden name as my middle name.

In the morning I have to make sure the girls get ready for school. I need coffee. I like to write.

Last night I was sick.

There is this guy I know that needs his face slapped thoroughly.

If I was an animal, I would be a Canadian Goose.

A better name for me would be Wings.

Tomorrow, I will go to church. Don't I sound wholesome?

On Saturday mornings I like to write.

Tonight we will all be home together.